You do everything and you’re still the problem?

You get up first. You make the lunches, manage the schedule, hold the emotional temperature of the house together — and straining under the load, amongst it all, you ask him to do one thing.

Then somehow, you become the problem.

You know those times you stand there thinking what did I do wrong? I'm not asking for much!

I want you to know: this isn't a communication problem, and it's not really about him either. Underneath that loop is a structure — one most of us learned in childhood — where a hidden agreement runs (unconsciously). Underneath the happening, is an emotional entanglement where we have handed someone else responsibility for how we feel. This holds us hostage to the pattern of do everything and still not get our needs met. Then, we keep trying to fix the problem (the relationship) from inside that same structure, wondering why nothing changes.

The shift isn't about getting him to do more.

It's about coming back to yourself first. When you stop abandoning yourself in those moments — when you show up for your own feelings before you look to him to fix them — something in the dynamic has to change. You're no longer playing the same game.

I made this video to show you exactly how that works. Watch it here.

Have you done the the Alive Heart Quiz? It will show you exactly where your biggest shift is waiting - only takes four minutes.

Sending love,

Lisa

PS If you'd like to talk about what's happening in your relationship, you can book a free Heart to Heart Call with me here.