How to DATE for personal empowerment

Don’t let the drive to find a partner, insult the incredible, magnificent, strong and amazing woman that you are.

Are you actively seeking out a partner, sometimes in places where the partners you aspire to be with, can’t really be found?

I recently experienced a brief sojourn into the modern dating world. I say brief, because the whole process of speed dating, or using apps, had me feeling highs and lows… from feelings of empowerment to feelings of confusion. So I stopped after a few days and decided to approach things from a whole different perspective. 

The dating world is currently a highly digital experience, and often this means that the ping of those texts is what’s affirming your attractiveness, your worthiness or your value. This doesn’t work for me. Other women tell me it doesn’t work for them. One friend even told me it was like a series of little breakups with no end in sight.

It’s easy to say, if you don’t want dating to chip away at your self-esteem, you need to focus on you. Focus on the amazing people already in your life that you can connect with to have fun, feel inspired and uplifted. Focus on building networks of other single women around you that are pursuing their own passion and purpose. Find ways to get excited about your life by finding your passion, your purpose. It’s easy to say.

It’s a discipline to do – but one that is incredibly empowering. Here’s some suggestions that may help.

Imagine if …

You used your time being single developing your relationship with yourself and discovered there is a part of you that is looking to a partner to meet your emotional needs.
I have noticed the little girl in me doesn’t see how her ‘go to’ behaviour is not helpful, nor healthy. This part of me that was ‘activated’ by feelings of abandonment when a partner did not give me the attention or love I wanted. I would slip into some unhealthy behaviour that never worked to get me what I thought I needed from someone else.

  • What if, you developed a relationship with your subconscious, your inner child, so she knew to turn towards you, the emotional adult, instead of towards what’s outside of you to find your solutions? I’ve discovered when I take time to build THIS relationship, my other relationships have a greater chance of being exactly what I want.


You saw being single as useful time to build the relationship you have with yourself.

You could spend time consciously deciding how you want to be loved. After all, if you don’t know how you want to be loved and you end up in a relationship where your new partner doesn’t love you the way you want, you have no right to feel powerless or angry. This time you spend builds the self-awareness to consciously choose who you end up in relationship with. I often ask my clients who are moving through relationship issues, if they consciously chose their partner. I still haven’t heard ‘yes’, but rather a description of a series of events that unfolded without conscious awareness, which often results in a feeling because you have abandoned the path of your own truth.

Yes, validate the human need for closeness, a hug, intimacy, but don’t let that need become the reason you sacrifice your inner truth. Don’t let the drive to find a partner, insult the incredible, magnificent, strong and amazing woman that you are. And if dating ever feels bad, if you witness yourself feeling small and unworthy… please take my advice and ABORT MISSION! It will never be worth it!

Sending love, Lisa x  

Lisa Jayne coaches women to take back their authentic power in relationship. You don’t need to abandon yourself to receive love and acceptance. Read more on Lisa’s mentoring

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