3 things people say that may invalidate you

connection emotional evolution relationships validation May 16, 2022

Validation. I watched this great short film that used validating a parking tickets as a metaphor for personal validation...how wonderful it feels to be seen and heard! Not for anything we have done, just for BEING who we are in this moment. 

You know that feeling that you aren't heard? That no one understands me? You can talk as much as you like to your partner and yet you still feel like they are not listening. Well, that's all about validation. When I share my feelings with someone and they don't have the capacity to validate me, I don't feel heard. My capacity to 'hear' another person, to support them so they feel heard and understood is directly related to my capacity to emotionally validate them. 

"I hear you." or "Wow, that's tough" or "I remember feeling that way, it sucks." or "Why wouldn't you feel like that, it makes perfect sense given what you've jus been through." are wonderful ways to validate. It took me a long while to learn this skill - I was busy fixing, trying to give people solutions to the problem they were sharing with me. Not only do they not feel heard, but they don't get the chance to process their feelings. By taking responsibility for the way they feel and trying to fix it, they don't get to take responsibility for the way they feel and own it ... which also means they don't heal. Instead the feeling gets suppressed, denied, resisted, bottled up ... and neither of us gets to use the moment to grow and become a greater version of ourselves. 

Taking feeling responsibility for others, is impossible and creates an unhealthy dynamic which disconnects us and undermines the quality of relationship we are having. Validating builds connection, improves the quality of our relationships and helps us access our 'true state' of being because we are given the chance to be all of who we are right here and now. 

On the feminine force this week, Caroline had three examples of invalidation and we discussed how to change the words for a better way of responding that adds to the connection and love in your relationships. Listen to this 15 minute segment here.

REMINDER: Tonight the Feminine Force Community meets at 7pm AEST. This is a 2 hour free virtual session for women to come together and share how they feel in a supportive and safe space. Join us to get things off your chest or sit and hold the healing space for others. Join using this link

Lastly, I will be speaking at the Sydney Mind, Body and Spirit Festival 26-29 May every afternoon. Come and say Hi or join a talk to hear how we can shift into a New Consciousness of Mothering.  You'll find me at my booth (B42) when I'm not on stage!

Sending love,


Lisa Jayne is an Emotions Educator, Relationship Coach, Author and Speaker helping women integrate their emotions so they can reawaken their own feminine force and feel the clarity of their inner knowing, the strength of their true state and access their intuitive wisdom. She enjoys helping mothers of girls activate this force in their relationship, so they can feel more deeply connected and build a powerful alternative culture within which their daughters can emerge into their true brilliance.


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