Not enough

beliefs emotions empowerment freedom Sep 10, 2022

This morning as I went on my walk, I became aware that within the flow of my life, there was a feeling, like a very subtle current running underneath. It had been below the level of my conscious awareness - until that moment. It rose up within me and I could see it was in the way of me being able to fully relax into my life. I couldn't fully relax as there was this part of me vigilantly looking ahead and believing there wasn't enough.

So I got curious

about this underlying current, which I knew in my head was not true. There IS enough, nothing is going to run out. I'm safe. Yet ... in me, I recognised a more subtle level of feeling making itself known to me. 

All of a sudden it was like a massive jigsaw puzzle falling into it's perfect place. I could see how the unconscious current of 'I'm not enough' had been playing out on very subtle levels in almost every area of my life. It was like a garment I was living my life through, hooding my eyes from seeing truth and being able to fully relax into the grace and beauty of this moment.  

In my business, it appeared as it's not enough to give life changing service, provide a useful product, I also have to give a discount, offer extra value. In my relationships it used to look like people pleasing, or delivering a message and then having to 'make up for it' somewhere else. I've been aware of how this unconscious belief is often activated in my day to day life for some time and freed myself to a great extent from the emotional reactivity it may generate. But it seemed, now, I could see it in all its glory, filtering my life experiences so subtly - a thin veil distorting my perceptions. 

I was being called to see, it is enough to simply be me. 

I've been peeling back the less subtle layers of this belief for years, feeling more free of this aspect of self, held in place since I was a child. Like weeding a garden, the shoots of a weed can spread wide and far. If you remove them and not the 'core' of the plant, more weeds quickly appear. Of course! It's only because I've located the shoots that I'm able to find the core. My growing awareness with each discovery has enabled me to see more subtle behaviours and trace them to their source quickly. 

What to do?

Acknowledging just how long I've carried around this belief, made me feel a huge sense of compassion for myself - it's taken a lot of my energy to keep this belief in place for half a century!  I honoured this part of me for doing its job - generating behaviours that were intended to keep me safe, lovable, connected and I invited in surrender. Letting go and feeling it melt with my loving awareness. 

Now I will pay attention to the whispers of this belief rising up to play out. Listening to the whispers, through my feelings and whatever that pattern is, I will do the opposite. Then I will practice doing the opposite until it becomes the way I live naturally. 

Sending love,

Lisa 

 

 

 

Learn how to listen to the whispers of your feelings BEFORE they become reactions that damage your relationships. Feel the strength and support of being with other like-minded women.

By donation, VIRTUAL STRENGTH and SUPPORT groups

Each month, a space to share, heal and feel supported. Register for our next session below. 

Register now